This one is for all my fellow introverts! Sticking up for yourself and saying what you want in pregnancy and birth is really important…after all, it’s your body and your baby. But, what if that doesn’t come naturally to you? What if you’re a little reserved and on the quiet side? Perhaps talking on the phone makes you nervous or you always let others order first? Maybe you HATE putting yourself out there?

None of that makes you any less deserving of a positive birth experience! Speaking up for yourself might seem daunting, but there are some simple steps you can take to feel more confident when asserting yourself...

1. Know what you want

Research all of your options and know your rights! You might be surprised at how many choices you actually have. Online sources such as AIMS and Sara Wickham are gold mines for up to date birth information. Books are also a great source of knowledge. I recommend ‘Am I allowed?’ by AIMS as a starting point.

Once you’re aware of your choices you can decide what you want. Think about what's non-negotiable for you and what you might be willing to be flexible on. So for example, you might be adamant you’re not giving birth on your back, but you’re open to the midwives suggesting different birth positions.

If you’re not sure what you want, it’s harder to stick up for yourself. So getting crystal clear on what you want will remove any element of self doubt you may have, helping you to feel more confident.

2. Write it all down

Write yourself a thorough birth plan that covers a few different birth scenarios (ideal birth, off-plan birth, caesarean and induction). Clearly mark your non-negotiables on your birth plan and make sure your birth partner knows what they are.

Antenatal appointments can sometimes feel overwhelming, particularly if you’re attending alone or meeting with a consultant. Prep for these meetings with a list of your questions or concerns. That way you won’t forget to ask something important and you can always give your questions to the midwife or doctor to read. Don’t forget to note down any agreements made during the meeting too.

3. Plan what you will say

Think about what you will say in different situations. What if you’re offered an induction? What if you are told you’re not “allowed” to have a home birth? (you’re totally allowed by the way). You could even role play these with your birth partner to build your confidence up.

Preparing for those scenarios ahead of time will help you feel less blindsided if they occur. Have some pre-prepared phrases ready to go. Here are my faves from Mary Cronk's phrasebook:

• "Thank you so much for your advice. We will consider this carefully and let you know our decision."

• "I do not believe you can have heard what I have just said. Shall I repeat myself?"

4. Take your time

As introverts we can often require time to gather our thoughts before responding. Don't be afraid to ask for more time to make a decision. Unless there is an emergency situation, you almost always have time to consider your options. If it’s during labour, you can always ask, “Is there immediate danger to me or my baby? What would happen if we waited half an hour while I had a think about this?” You are the expert in YOU and no-one can force you into doing something that doesn't feel right for you.

Do NOT apologise for how you feel! You are not a burden, you haven't made a mistake. You deserve to be heard.

5. Don't be afraid to be firm

Sometimes our tendency to reflect and think about things can leave us feeling pressured if the other person wants us to respond right away. That initial pause to think things over, may be misunderstood as silent agreement or lack of opinion.

If you're feeling pressured or someone just won't listen to you, it's ok to be firm (or even a bit rude!) You are no-one's doormat. Remember your non-negotiables! Mary Cronk's phrasebook has some more top phrases to use:

• “Would you like to reconsider what you have just said!”

• “I am afraid I will have to regard any further discussion as harassment.”

• “What is your NMC or GMC pin number?”

• “STOP THIS AT ONCE!”

Don’t be afraid of being repetitive if you need to. It’s ok to give the same answer if someone persists in asking you why you won’t do something.

6. Release and recharge

It’s important to release and let go of any tension after a difficult conversation. Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone and speaking up can be draining. Take a moment to recharge and reset.

Hypnobirthing tools are be great for this! Listen to your relaxation tracks or some affirmations. Then take a nice deep breath and breathe it all out. You’ve totally got this!

Did you find these tips useful? What other advice would you give to a fellow pregnant introvert?